What my dreams look like...

As I've mentioned before, I am a very active dreamer in my waking and sleeping life. Most of the time I enjoy my dreams, but lately they have been a bit scary... The other night I dreamed that I decided to start taking dance lessons (something I've always wanted to do) and right after starting classes I find out we're doing a recital in Paris. Not wanting to miss out on a trip to Paris, I scramble to learn all of the steps and buy all of the required dance clothes. Totally unprepared, I set out for my trip only to end up in a whirlpool in the middle of the ocean surrounded by non-threatening sharks... 

Translation (according to my favorite dream website): I'm ready to start a new stage (dance recital) in my life but am confronted with turmoil (whirlpool) because of my fear of loosing my independence and individuality (sharks) in the process... I'd say that is pretty accurate.

I have a tendency to get severe anxiety when I'm faced with anything that seems permanent. It's called fear of commitment. I always need that hope of one day having something better or even just different. Just so Ed doesn't freak out when he reads this, it's not about him. In fact, he is one of the very few things that doesn't scare me to think about forever. The things I seem to have commitment issues over are where I am and what I'm doing. 

For example, the most important thing for me in any job is my growth potential. I always need to feel like I'm working towards something bigger. Being stuck in the same place doing the same thing forever (or even just a long time) is TERRIFYING to me! I think that is what is causing these weird dreams. 

I'm trying to find contentment... Since graduating college I've sort of just been all over the place. It has been so much fun and I have learned a lot about the world and myself, but I feel at this point I want to start moving towards settling down. I just still have that curious, restless, adventurous part of me, though, that wants to see what else is out there... I would love to find an exciting job with our Home Office in Philadelphia or try to transfer to the new Anthro in London, but I don't want to go alone. One of the things I've learned these last few years is that I need companionship. 

So how does a curious, restless, adventurous girl get by being stuck in one place with no traveling budget? Still trying to figure that out...